wow

life has been great except one thing i dont have the girl i love. it still hurts but im over it i guess. so ive been mingling talking to this one girl in paticular. only bad thing is that i barely even get to see her :/ and it suck that i dont i really want to so i can start off new and fresh. lets see how things turn out hopefully for the best :)

fml

have you ever been screwed over by the same person to many times and your stupid enouhgh to go back everytime knowing it would happen again. this is happening to me. yesterday i went to her house and at first it was alittle uneasy but by the end of the night we both were happy. she told me thing that she says arent true anymore but how do you make shit up like that. i was actually happy i could sleep and what not but then she says sorry for what happened fuck this im done just cut me out of life cuz i dont wanna be here no more. but karma will come around

wow

i feel like i havn't blogged in like years. truthfully i have been busy and havn't been able to. oh this loneliness hurts so much. i feel like im getting weaker and weaker by the moment. i just wish so much. like Ray J said if i had one wish. but enough of that. these last couple of days been good. i got to hang out with people from school...What? haha i know right it was cool but still awkward. Matt apoligised to me which was random but good at the same time. but still not enough to bring her back. i smoke now. unhealthy habit but it realease the stress that been coming over me for 2 weeks now. and i also made 2 really cool friends squints and annie. haha they are really cool and annie even gave me a nickname...Puppy haha i guess but hopefully the girl they introduce me to is cool and helps me get over her. but part of me actually should i say all of me doesnt want to move on. my heart is telling me to wait even if it hurts you. "if you dont blog about it about it,it will help you get over it" no it wont this is my way of realeasing my stress for the moment but yea hit you guys up later im tired and cant sleep. which sucks cuz i have no one to talk to :( it would be...nvm

so....

wow so these last couple of days have been up and down. it started off friday night where i went to youth service. the sermon was amazing. then saturday was good to i whooped travis and chris at a game of madden then ofcourse wen to chris's house after. chris had left to pick up his older brother and me and travis had a real deep convo that had me in tears. ofcourse it was about my situation with jennifer. and i guess you can say that i want to make her happy no matter how much it hurts me. i had my chance to be happy but i messed up and im paying the consequence for what i did. i didnt cheat on her but what i did was messed up. so i'll just let her be happy even if it means that im not. :/ so i called her at 2 in the morning and had a good convo with her. i also made a song i'll post it below. and today church again was amazing. and my day was actually going pretty good until my freaking parents messed it up for me. ugh but watever what can you do. well im finished catch you later.

umm..

I really don't know what to say. I guess i'll tell you what my day is going to consist of. First I'm going to clean this damn house that never stays clean. Then I'm going to get my stuff ready for church. Watch T.V. for awhile then do the Three S's. You know what those are right; shit,shower,and shave. Then I'm gonna go to church and hopefully this should get my mind off things. I realized this yesterday when i looked in the mirrior that fake smile can't hide the pain in your eyes. I can try to be happy but I truly never will be. I just wish. Oh do i wish so much....well im done bye

I dont know what to call this

so yesterday i went to IB with travis,james,and marc. i thought it would be good for me and get my mind off of things.WRONG i just couldnt stop thinking about her. I just wanted to be with her right there in the water. But i know it wont happen. I woke up early today and i ran all the way to Reo just so i can give her the letters i wrote for her. i left and i started to run back home. i thought i was gonna stop at parkside park to kick it with someone for alittle but they ended up bailing on me. seems like people been doing that to me lately :(once i got near the school my knee gave out worst pain in awhile. so ashjax offered to give me a ride but carlos happened to drive by and picked me up. we went to my house caught up on old times and finally he left. now im here all by my self :( wish i could be with her

Don't wait for me to die!!!

As i read this book by Pastor Mark Vega I can relate to it and I feel he is speaking to me.
The first chapter is titled "The four seasons of walking with God" It starts off talking about how a piece of coal and how over time it turns into a beautiful diamond. But for this to happen it has to endure long periods of extreme heat. But if the coal can't resist the heat and breaks then the process is ruined. But once it's finish it turns into a diamond. Now think of it like this, you are the coal and over time you have to endure problems which is represnted by the heat. But once you get through these problems you will turn into a beautiful diamond(figuretivley speaking). Then he starts talking about the four seasons; summer,fall,winter,and spring.

Summer is so beautiful and he say this is the time where our prayers seem to be heard and answered instantly. We feel Gods presence all the time and when we read the word of God we feel him even more. and every day that goes by, we feel God loves us even mor and more each day. But then after summer comes fall.

In fall everything from summer start to unwind. This is when your prayers dont seem to be answered. you start enduring problems that you think you can't come through. the sun doesnt shine like it used to. But it is important to know that you must walk this path by faith and not by sight.

After fall comes winter and this is when the problems seem to be the worst. you feel yourself questioning God and his promises he made. you feel that God is no longer with you. but its moments like these where you have to follow God no matter the cost. We can always trust God.

Finally we have spring and this is where we start to see signs of God our problems seem to fade away and life begins to be good once again.

But like the seasons these seasons also repeat and you have to prepare and stay strong once they come back around. Remember God loves you and he will always be there whether you feel him or not. God bless